


The Twists of Desire

by irena_adler



Series: Watson [97]
Category: Numb3rs
Genre: 69 (Sex Position), Caretaking, Confessional, First Time Blow Jobs, Gay Sex, Hurt/Comfort, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Misuse of Religious Ritual, Whipping
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-24
Updated: 2017-03-03
Packaged: 2018-09-19 15:42:43
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 9,098
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9448211
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/irena_adler/pseuds/irena_adler
Summary: Ian discovers the depths of Jason's issues.





	1. Dies Irea (Day of Wrath)

**Author's Note:**

> Lt. Col. Jason C. Hill is introduced in the story, **How Edgerton Became Number Four**. Jason was the sniper who had been ranked right above Ian, but Ian rattled him enough with sexual innuendo at his testing enough that he dropped a ranking. Ian later made up for it in bed.  Jason is very much in the closet and deeply conflicted about acting on his long suppressed homosexual desires.  
>  This story comes a month after they met and a week after the story, **The Hunter Becomes the Hunted** , where Ian went alone into the wilderness after a dangerous killer and almost died. Ian had not planned on seeing Jason a second time, but this near-death experience changed his mind.  
> 

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jason needs something from Ian.

**Title:** The Twists of Desire, Part 1 of 5  
**Characters:** Ian/OC (Jason / [pictures](http://irena-adler.livejournal.com/225102.html))  
**Rating:** FRAO, NC-17  
**Summary:** [The Twists of Desire](http://irena-adler.livejournal.com/149706.html#twistsofdesire) \- Ian discovers the depths of Jason's issues.  
Part 1 – _Dies Irea_ (Day of Wrath)  
Jason needs something from Ian.  
**Word Count:** 1998  
**Disclaimer:** Not my characters (except when they are), not my world, making no money.  
**Placement:**  
Lt. Col. Jason C. Hill is introduced in the story, [How Edgerton Became Number Four](http://irena-adler.livejournal.com/98878.html). Jason was the sniper who had been ranked right above Ian, but Ian rattled him enough with sexual innuendo at his testing enough that he dropped a ranking. Ian later made up for it in bed.  Jason is very much in the closet and deeply conflicted about acting on his long suppressed homosexual desires.  
This story comes a month after they met and a week after the story, [The Hunter Becomes the Hunted](http://irena-adler.livejournal.com/224658.html), where Ian went alone into the wilderness after a dangerous killer and almost died. Ian had not planned on seeing Jason a second time, but this near-death experience changed his mind.  
**Beta: fredbasset** , who asked for more Ian/Jason (Ask and ye shall receive!)

  
**WARNING: Serious misuse of religious ritual, whipping**  
  
  
  


**Part 1 - _Dies Irea_ (Day of Wrath)**

Ian didn't know what to expect when he saw Jason, but it wasn't this. 

He hadn't known if they'd smile, shake hands, or maybe even share a quick, manly hug. But Lt. Col. Jason C. Hill had barely made eye contact. Instead, he'd just nodded in Ian's general direction and waved for Ian to go ahead so he could follow. 

Ian walked through the airport with Jason some distance behind him. He didn't doubt Jason was following, but it wasn't like they were walking together. 

After Ian's text when he'd killed Hughes, it had taken a week to sync up. Jason had been serious about 'name the place.' Jason's skill set and importance to the Army gave him basically a free ticket on any airplane to any place at any time. That was if he wasn't on a hunt at the time, which he almost always was. Ian had to jump through his own hoops to get away - his boss had reamed him a new one for not asking for an evac when he'd needed one, his doctors wanted to keep him for observation way past necessary, and everyone from the Army to the FBI to the goddamned CIA wanted to hear about Hughes's death and why Ian hadn't somehow gotten Hughes to confess before he shot him. It had been a huge relief when the recovery team, sent to get the body, had also found Hughes's base camp which contained information about who had been aiding him while a fugitive. Let them all go after Hughes's accomplices instead of Ian. 

After Jason's first text response of _Thank God. Name the place_ when Ian had contacted him,the text exchanges had been very short, unemotional, and focused on finding a location to meet. That had turned out to be Ian's apartment at Quantico, since he was now doing multiple physical therapy sessions a day. 

Ian resisted the urge to look behind him, to check if Jason was still following him through the airport. Jason wouldn't have made all the effort to get here if he didn't want to see Ian, would he? 

Ian walked into the parking lot and found his car. He popped open the trunk and there was Jason, flinging his bag inside. 

They got into the car and Ian said, "My place is about 20 minutes away." 

Jason made a sound of acknowledgement before turning to look out the window. Ian eyed him for a moment then started the car. They drove in silence. 

Was Jason mad at him? If seeing Ian brought those brutally suppressed homosexual desires to the surface and Jason didn't want that, why was Jason here? Jason had made a lot of effort to coordinate schedules and meet up, but perhaps he was regretting it, now that he'd seen Ian again. Maybe he'd built up Ian in his mind and was disappointed by seeing the real thing again. Maybe he was just here to tell Ian some things that he needed to say in person. They were alone now, why didn't he talk? 

Ian forced down his impatience and drove to his apartment. Hopefully when they got there, Jason would make himself clear. Ian hadn't known what to expect from the meeting, though he'd certainly thought there would be sex involved. Or at least the exchange of a few words. 

They got to his apartment, Ian parked, then they walked to the door. Ian opened the door, let Jason in, then shut the door behind him… 

Then found himself with an armful of sniper. 

"Fuck, Ian, fuck," Jason said, kissing Ian's mouth and face. "Goldamned idiot." 

"What?" Ian laughed in combined confusion and relief. Then he cut off any reply that Jason would have made by sealing his lips to Jason's and kissing him deeply. Jason's shorter, muscular body pressed up against Ian's and it felt just as good as Ian had remembered. They kissed for a long moment, molding their bodies together, hands everywhere. 

Jason shifted away and began tugging at Ian's shirt. "Where? Where'd that bastard get you?" 

Ian pulled his collar away from his neck, showing the long scabbed track of one of Hughes's bullets. 

"And?" Jason demanded. 

Ian unbuttoned his shirt and pulled it aside to show two still red puckered spots where they'd removed bullets. Jason touched the spots lightly. 

Ian's doctor, an overly cheerful man, had said, 'You picked some great places in the shoulder to get shot, couldn't have done better myself. Once you survive the blood loss and infection, you get to keep your arm, even if you pack the wounds with half the mud in the Mississippi river. Can't do much about the scars, though.' 

"No nerve damage," Ian said to Jason. "Just muscle and tissue damage, so a desk job and physical therapy for a month." 

"Sounds rough," Jason said, still tracing the marks with his finger. 

"My physical therapist should have been an Army interrogator," Ian said with a smile, but Jason wasn't listening. 

"Oh Lord, Ian," Jason said, pressing his body hard against Ian's. "I swore that I'd never call you, but when you texted me, I was happier than a puppy with two tails. I had to see you. That forced me to stop pretendin' that I hadn't been dyin' to see you for the last month. Then I found out that you'd chased after Hughes, alone. I needed to see you and be with you and… Oh dear God." 

Ian realized that Jason was shaking. 

"Jase?" Ian asked softly. 

"I need you to do somethin' for me," Jason said in a low voice. 

"Anything." 

"I need you to promise, to swear on your mama's grave, to do it." 

"Who do you need me to kill?" Ian said, trying for a teasing tone. 

Jason pulled back to lock eyes with him. "I need you to swear you'll do it. Whatever on God's green earth it is." 

Shivers went up Ian's spine at the wild look in Jason's eyes. "Just tell me, Jase, I'll do it." He'd done dark, illegal things for people he cared about a whole lot less. 

Jason searched his face, his fingers digging bruises into Ian's arms. Finally, he released him and stepped back. He pulled out his wallet, took out a worn, faded card, and handed it to Ian. 

It was a prayer, specifically the Sacrament of Reconciliation. It was what to say when going into a confessional to give your confession to a priest. 

Ian looked at Jason in confusion. 

Jason turned away and walked further into Ian's apartment. Ian followed as Jason found Ian's bedroom then took off his clothing. He also took off his dog tags which made him seem even more naked. The sight of Jason's fine body didn't help Ian's confusion. Jason was definitely not giving off sexual vibes. In contrast, he was visibly shaking with some sort of strong emotion. 

"Take off your belt," Jason said. 

"What?" 

"Take off your belt and get it ready." 

Ian slowly began to unbuckle his belt and slide it out of the loops. 

Jason knelt on the floor next to Ian's bed, facing the bed. He leaned forward and braced both hands on the mattress. 

There he waited, nearly vibrating with the waiting. 

Ian looked at the belt in one hand, the confessional card in his other hand, and Jason's vulnerable position. 

"Oh, fuck," Ian said hoarsely 

Jason didn't turn his head. "You swore." 

"But _this?_ This is… I'm not… Why would you…?" 

"Please, Ian," Jason begged, the tension in his voice a terrible thing to hear. "I need… You swore." 

Ian looked down at Jason, denial on his lips - then thought about a very different moment. 

Jason had been naked then too, but his body had been flushed with a recent orgasm. It was in the hotel in Los Alamitos and Jason had just trusted Ian with his most private desires, given Ian the gift of his untouched body. Ian remembered the wave of tenderness that he'd felt at that moment, the determination to protect Jason's secret until he died. He hadn't even realized at that time just how deep Jason's secret had been buried and what it had cost Jason to be with him. 

Ian had done many terrible things in his life. Surely he could do this for Jason. 

Ian tightened his hand on the belt. "Okay." 

Jason blew out a deep breath and braced himself more tightly. Then he said, "Forgive me Father, for I have sinned." 

Ian raised the belt and brought it lightly across Jason's back. Jason didn't flinch but a faint red line appeared across his smooth skin. Ian shuddered. 

Jason turned his head slightly and said, "Buckle end." 

"No, I…" Ian said, then searched his mind desperately for a reason not to flay Jason's back open with the metal belt buckle. "This is my Army graduation belt. Blood will ruin the finish." Ian grimaced at the weak excuse, but after a moment, Jason nodded. Ian tried not to breathe too loudly in relief. 

Jason faced forward again and said, "Forgive me Father, for I have sinned." 

Ian brought the belt down, carefully. Without turning around, Jason snapped, "It's not a goldamn feather." 

"Okay," Ian said. "Okay." 

Jason said, once again, "Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned." 

Ian brought the belt down with measured strength. A dark red line appeared on Jason's back. 

Jason lowered his head and murmured, "Mary, Mother of grace, Mother of mercy, Shield me from the enemy. And receive me at the hour of my death." 

Ian checked the card, but that wasn't the next phrase. 

Indeed, Jason said again, "Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned." 

Ian brought the belt down again, the mark making an X across Jason's back. 

Jason murmured again, "Mary, Mother of grace, Mother of mercy, Shield me from the enemy. And receive me at the hour of my death." Then "Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned." 

Ian gritted his teeth and brought the belt down again. 

And again. 

And again. 

The plea, the belt, the prayer. 

Repeat. 

Jason's back was a mass of red lines, some bleeding. Ian was shaking with nausea and a sort of nebulous, helpless rage at whatever had broken Jason so deeply that he had begged this from Ian. When Jason had said he needed to see Ian, Ian hadn't realized it was for this, but Ian would give it to him… and protect that secret as well. 

At long last, Jason said something different. His voice faint, he said, "I ask Jesus to forgive those sins as well as any I have forgotten to confess." 

Ian grabbed for the card that he had dropped in his efforts to force himself to keep going. Right there was the next line. Though it felt more than a little blasphemous, he read out, "I absolve you of your sins in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. Go in peace." 

The tension melted out of Jason's body. "Thanks be to God." 

Ian tossed his belt aside as if it were red hot. 

Jason leaned against the bed, panting quietly. When he turned his face, Ian could see that Jason's eyes were closed and his cheeks were wet with tears. Ian grabbed a tissue and kneeled down next to him. He gently wiped Jason's face. He had to fight down the urge to apologize, to ask questions, to say, 'What the fuck was that?' 

He waited instead for Jason to gather himself… and tried to do the same for himself. He felt cold and shaky, his heart racing, almost like a return to the physical shock of getting shot. 

After all the time wanting to see Jason, Ian honestly wished he would just hurry up and leave. Ian needed to get drunk and find something or someone to shoot. 

He got ready to say goodbye to Jason, this time for good. 

  



	2. Sacra jam splendent decorata lychnis (A thousand lights their glory shed)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jason surprises Ian again.

**Title:** The Twists of Desire, Part 2 of 5  
**Characters:** Ian/OC (Jason / [pictures](http://irena-adler.livejournal.com/225102.html))  
**Rating:** FRAO, NC-17  
**Summary:** [The Twists of Desire](http://irena-adler.livejournal.com/149706.html#twistsofdesire) \- Ian discovers the depths of Jason's issues.  
Part 2 - _Sacra jam splendent decorata lychnis_ (A thousand lights their glory shed)  
Jason surprises Ian again.  
**Word Count:** 1654  
**Disclaimer:** Not my characters (except when they are), not my world, making no money.  
**Placement:**  
Lt. Col. Jason C. Hill is introduced in the story, [How Edgerton Became Number Four](http://irena-adler.livejournal.com/98878.html). Jason was the sniper who had been ranked right above Ian, but Ian rattled him enough with sexual innuendo at his testing enough that he dropped a ranking. Ian later made up for it in bed.  Jason is very much in the closet and deeply conflicted about acting on his long suppressed homosexual desires.  
This story comes a month after they met and a week after the story, [The Hunter Becomes the Hunted](http://irena-adler.livejournal.com/224658.html), where Ian went alone into the wilderness after a dangerous killer and almost died. Ian had not planned on seeing Jason a second time, but this near-death experience changed his mind.  
**Beta: fredbasset** , who asked for more Ian/Jason (Ask and ye shall receive!)

  
**WARNING: Serious misuse of religious ritual, whipping**  
  
  
  


**Part 2 - _Sacra jam splendent decorata lychnis_ (A thousand lights their glory shed)**

Ian stayed kneeling next to Jason, waiting for him to recover enough to get dressed, to leave. He'd come to Ian for this warped confessional and, while Ian felt honored that Jason trusted him that much, Ian really just wanted Jason to go. It was going to take a lot of alcohol and dangerous sniper work to get the image of Jason's abused back out of his mind. 

Finally, Jason opened his eyes. 

And smiled at him. 

And that smile was like a punch to Ian's gut. It was so much more like the Jason he knew. The Jason that had walked in the door had been ready to fly apart with tension. This Jason was relaxed and welcoming. 

"Fuck me, Ian," Jason said warmly. 

Ian jerked back. "What?" 

"Fuck me." 

"But…" Ian stared at him. Did this horrific whipping turn Jason on? 

Jason turned his body towards him, opening up his knees, and Ian's eyes went to Jason's cock. It was still mostly soft. So he wasn't aroused by the whipping, which was a relief… 

"Been thinking of you plowing my ass for a month," Jason said, reaching for Ian. 

Ian moved out of Jason's reach. "You still want to… What the hell just happened?" 

"You carried out your promise," Jason said, a small measure of tension returning. "Now it's past and we can get on to the fun stuff." 

"Is it past?" Ian asked, his body still sweaty and trembling. 

"Yes," Jason said, his eyes pleading. "I needed… Now I need…" For a moment, he looked very young and almost frightened. Lt. Col. Jason. C. Hill, veteran of Iraq, Afghanistan and classified locations and recipient of the Silver Star, looked frightened. 

Ian sighed deeply and forced himself to release all his questions and concerns. He closed his eyes and shook out his body and breathed in calmness. Jason was here, now, like he had wanted for so long. 

He opened his eyes and smiled at him. "What you need, sir, is a good fucking." 

Jason smiled back, relief bright on his face. "Too bad I can't get one of those 'round here. I'll have ta settle for you." 

"But first…" Ian said. He went into his bathroom and found the jar of salve he'd been using for his shoulder wounds. Coming back into the bedroom, he said, "Lie on your stomach." 

Jason did and Ian winced at the incongruous picture of Jason's sculptured body and gorgeous ass, with his red, inflamed, bleeding back. Opening the jar, he sat next to Jason. He began smearing the salve over Jason's back. Jason couldn't hold back a hiss. Ian clamped down on his disgust at these begged-for wounds - and at his own inability to somehow convince Jason he didn't need it - and soothed the damage as well as he could. 

As he worked, Ian's attentions slowly moved from distasteful to gentle to tender to arousing. Jason's head was turned to one side and his eyes were closed, his lips smiling. Ian wiped his hands off and stood up. In his closet he found an old, soft button-down flannel shirt with the sleeves ripped off that he used for working out in the yard. He turned back and Jason was sitting up on the edge of the bed. His eyes were bright on Ian, and his cock was definitely getting ready for action. 

Ian tossed the shirt and Jason caught it out of the air and pulled it on. Jason settled the shirt against his salve-wet back, covering and protecting it, and left the front unbuttoned. Ian felt a strange undefinable emotion seeing Jason wearing his shirt. 

Jason grinned at him. "Get naked, G-man." 

"You got it, Army," Ian said and quickly stripped out of his clothes. Jason's eyes roamed eagerly over Ian's body. Ian remembered how Jason had shocked him the last time by saying Ian was the most beautiful man Jason had ever met. 

Jason, on the other hand, was truly beautiful. He was like a marble statue of an ideal man come to life. Ian found Jason's dog tags from his clothing and tossed them to Jason. Jason put them on with a grin. He knew that Ian had a thing about them. 

When Ian walked back over, Jason reached out and tentatively touched Ian's cock. Ian came closer, standing next to the bed. The first time they were together, Jason had only touched Ian's cock in the midst of fucking him, and Ian had placed his hand there, so touching him now meant something. Ian watched Jason's face as he explored Ian's awakening cock. The touch of Jason's gun-calloused fingers was quickly getting Ian hard. 

Jason wrapped one hand around Ian's cock and ran the other up Ian's stomach. He lightly brushed one of Ian's nipples, then skittered away, as if he wasn't sure what he thought about that. 

Ian didn't want him thinking at all. 

He leaned down, took Jason's chin, and kissed him deeply. Jason's hands roamed more freely as they kissed. He really wanted Jason's lovely mouth on his cock, but knew that would be pushing it. 

Jason broke the kiss and scooted back onto the bed. He lay down and Ian lay next to him. They started kissing again, hands on each other's bodies. Their touches started out soft but soon grew urgent and hungry. They rolled back and forth on the bed, first one on top then the other. Hands stroked sides, squeezed asses. Fingernails drew lines over arms and across the backs of necks. Mouths found ticklish spots and spots that made the other moan. Ian tried to be careful of Jason's back, but Jason was in his arms, kissing and pressing against him and it was hard to remember anything but how much he'd wanted this. 

Ian's hands kneaded Jason's strong ass and he began to slide his fingers over Jason's tight asshole. He had fucked Jason twice so far, and he was looking forward to another round. The first time Jason hadn't let him take his time, he'd been so desperate to avoiding thinking about breaking down lifetime barriers, but the second time had been more than amazing. Jason pushed his ass against Ian's hands, also eager for a repeat. 

Ian rolled Jason off of him and pulled out condom and lube from his bedside table drawer. Nudging Jason to roll onto his back, Ian got his fingers wet. He wasn't sure how comfortable Jason was laying on his back, but he didn't want to see that back while he fucked him. He wanted to see Jason's face and sculptured chest and forget everything that had happened earlier. He bent Jason's knees up and to the side. He got the urge to lick Jason's tight, near-virgin asshole, but didn't know how that would go over. Instead, he leaned over and licked Jason's huge cock and began to rub Jason's asshole with his wet fingers. 

He pushed one finger in and sucked Jason's cock until he relaxed around Ian's finger. He pushed in a second then began to rub Jason's prostate while he bobbed up and down on his cock. Jason groaned and dug his hands into Ian's hair. Ian sucked and fingered until Jason began to thrust up into his mouth. Ian lifted his head, getting his hair pulled in the process, and sat up. Jason looked delicious - his fair skin flushed, his cock wet with Ian's saliva, his eyes wide and slightly glazed. Ian rolled the condom down over his cock and braced himself over Jason. 

Without thinking, he leaned on one arm and reached for his cock. His wounded shoulder buckled under his weight and he had to grab himself. Jason immediately put his hands up to hold Ian steady. Ian smiled and switched arms, holding himself up with his good hand and guiding his cock with his other. Jason continued to brace him as Ian pushed slowly into him. 

Jason's eyes fluttered close. "Sweet Jesus," he breathed. 

Ian agreed that it felt even better than he remembered. He used both hands to hold himself up and rocked inside Jason's tight ass. His shoulder began to throb, however, so he pushed Jason's knees up even farther and lay flat on top of him. Jason wrapped his arms around Ian's torso, pressed his knees against Ian's sides and pressed his cheek against Ian's cheek. 

Ian waited for a moment, just savoring the way Jason was wrapped all around him, then began to move. 

He couldn't move much at first, because Jason was holding him so close. He kissed Jason's face and mouth, murmuring 'Jase' and the sort of sounds he would make if he were approaching a trapped black bear. Slowly, Jason began to relax and Ian could move more freely. He rocked, fucking Jason with deep, unhurried strokes. He bent his head, so they could kiss as they fucked, and the connection and the pleasure was like nothing he'd ever experienced. 

The moment couldn't last forever, though. Ian's orgasm was nearing and Jason was starting to breathe heavily. 

Ian braced himself up on the elbow of his good arm and reached down with his other hand for Jason's cock. He held Jason's cock loosely while he drove harder into him. Jason dug his fingers into Ian's back and pressed his legs against Ian's sides. Ian jerked Jason's cock and pounded his ass and soon then were coming together, crying out, bucking in unison. Jason tightened down on him with every muscle in his body so Ian could hardly breathe but he didn't care. All that mattered was the hot, animal, perfect release and the man shuddering beneath him. 

As they gradually slowed, Jason was muttering something in a thick North Carolina accent. Ian couldn't make out anything but the words 'Ian' and 'yes,' but that was more than enough. 

  



	3. Laudate omnes gentes (Sing praises, all you peoples)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jason has some choice words for Ian about his recent brush with death.

**Title:** The Twists of Desire, Part 3 of 5  
 **Characters:** Ian/OC (Jason / [pictures](http://irena-adler.livejournal.com/225102.html))  
 **Rating:** FRAO, NC-17  
 **Summary:** [The Twists of Desire](http://irena-adler.livejournal.com/149706.html#twistsofdesire) \- Ian discovers the depths of Jason's issues.  
Part 3 - _Laudate omnes gentes_ (Sing praises, all you peoples)  
Jason has some choice words for Ian about his recent brush with death.  
 **Word Count:** 1278  
 **Disclaimer:** Not my characters (except when they are), not my world, making no money.  
 **Placement:**   
Lt. Col. Jason C. Hill is introduced in the story, [How Edgerton Became Number Four](http://irena-adler.livejournal.com/98878.html). Jason was the sniper who had been ranked right above Ian, but Ian rattled him enough with sexual innuendo at his testing enough that he dropped a ranking. Ian later made up for it in bed.  Jason is very much in the closet and deeply conflicted about acting on his long suppressed homosexual desires.  
This story comes a month after they met and a week after the story, [The Hunter Becomes the Hunted](http://irena-adler.livejournal.com/224658.html), where Ian went alone into the wilderness after a dangerous killer and almost died. Ian had not planned on seeing Jason a second time, but this near-death experience changed his mind.  
 **Beta: fredbasset** , who asked for more Ian/Jason (Ask and ye shall receive!)

  


**Part 3 - _Laudate omnes gentes_ (Sing praises, all you peoples)**

After their heartrates had returned to normal, Ian gave Jason one last kiss then rolled off of him. He staggered a little as he headed to the bathroom on wobbly legs. He disposed of his condom and got a towel. Coming back into the bedroom, he had to stop and take in the sight of Jason, his flushed skin, his stomach wet with cum, his dog tags in a heap next to his face, and with Ian's old work shirt open to his sides. His face was the best part, his smile relaxed and sated. 

Jason looked back at him, his eyes roaming possessively over Ian's naked body, lingering on his recently spent cock. 

Ian smiled and threw the towel. Jason deftly caught it out of the air and wiped himself, his eyes still on Ian. Ian lay down next to him, leaning on his good arm and running his fingers of his other hand down Jason's gorgeous chest. 

"How long can you stay?" Ian asked. 

"Got a flight tomorrow at oh-seven-hundred. It was the best I could do." 

"It's good," Ian said, though he was disappointed. The two mornings he had leisurely woken up in Jason's arms had been the best sleep he remembered having. He didn't ask the obvious question of when he would see him again. Jason wouldn't be able to answer. 

But at least this time Ian knew that he wanted to see Jason again. There was no doubt that he was damaging Jason mentally - and now physically - but Ian couldn't pretend that he'd gotten enough. If he'd learned anything from the long hike out of the wilderness after Hughes had shot him, when he didn't know if he would live to see another human being, he learned that he was a selfish bastard. He knew he should stay away from Jason for Jason's sake, but he also knew now that he would do everything in his power to make sure that there was a third meeting and a fourth and more. If he knew that he'd see Jason again, perhaps he wouldn't be so distracted. He wouldn't get himself fucking shot. 

As if his thoughts were on the same track, Jason said, "Tell me about Hughes." 

Ian eyed him. That sounded like the questions he'd been answering for the last week. "What do you mean?" 

"How did Hughes get the drop on you?" 

Groaning, Ian flopped onto his back. "Because I got cocky. Because I ignored everything everyone said about his skills and tracked him like a typical fugitive. He should have killed me on the first shot." 

Jason braced himself beside him and poked him hard in the ribs. "Don't say that. Angels were watchin' over you." 

"Oh?" Ian said with a wry smile. "They never have before." 

"Of course they have." 

"I'll tell you who got me through the rest of it, though." 

"Who?" 

Ian just looked at Jason. 

Jason's eyes widened and Ian wondered if he'd gone too far. To backtrack, he said, "I knew that if I died, you'd never let me hear the end of it. Bested by an Army sniper? You'd hold that over me for eternity." 

"I'd hold you _dying_ over you for an eternity," Jason snapped. "Going after him alone was… There's a tree stump in a Louisiana swamp with a higher IQ." 

"Got him, though." 

Jason smiled. "Yes, you did, when nobody else could." 

"Think it will get me up a sniper ranking?" 

Jason put on a thinking face. "Twasn't really a sniper shot that took him down, right? You shot him at close range?" 

Ian remembered the moment, his body jammed between trees, dizzy with blood loss, Hughes's bullets whizzing around him. He'd had to rest his rifle on a tree branch and go for a body shot. "Yeah." 

"Won't do a lick for your sniper rankings then." 

"Hmm." 

"Did a mess of good for your badass rankings, though." 

Ian chuckled. "I didn't know there was badass rankings." 

"You already have a reputation, you full well know it. Now people think you're some sort of superhero." 

Ian grinned, he couldn't help it. "And what do you think?" 

"Pretty soon you'll be thinkin' the sun comes up just to hear you crow." 

"Doesn't it?" 

Jason glared at him. "Peckerhead." 

Ian smiled serenely at him. "You say the nicest things." 

Jason took his thumb and jammed it in one of Ian's week-old bullet wounds. 

Ian yelped and jerked away. 

"That's for thinkin' you'll ever do it again." 

Ian rubbed his shoulder. "Hughes is dead." 

"You're knowin' what I mean." 

It was on the tip of Ian's tongue to say, 'Promise you'll meet me again and I'll promise I won't do anything like that again.' He managed to swallow it down. 

"It's a dangerous job," he said instead. 

"There's dangerous than there's…" 

"Dumber than a Louisiana stump," Ian completed for him. "Are Louisiana stumps particularly stupid?" 

Jason shook his head in frustration. 

Ian took pity on him and said, "I'll try to remember that I'm not really a superhero." 

"Or bullet-proof." 

"Obviously not," Ian said, still rubbing his shoulder. 

Jason sighed and moved Ian's hand out of the way. Leaning over, he gently kissed the round marks left by Hughes's bullets. Then he turned Ian's head and lightly licked down the long mark of Hughes's third bullet. He kissed his way up to Ian's left ear then over to his mouth. He kissed Ian hard, pressing Ian into the mattress with the force of his kiss, as if he could make Ian be reasonable by lip pressure alone. 

Ian finally pushed Jason away. They lay back, both breathing hard. 

"Okay," Ian said quietly. An acknowledgement, an understanding… A promise? 

"Okay," Jason agreed. 

After catching his breath, Ian sat up. "You hungry?" 

"I could eat the north end of a south-bound polecat," Jason said fervently. 

"I'll take that as a yes," Ian laughed. "I'm afraid I don't have much to cook, been eating at the hospital mostly, but I think I have some steaks in the freezer." 

"That'll be fine," Jason said. "Don't 'spose you have any vinegar barbeque sauce?" 

"Um, no." He'd love to really cook for Jason, a full homemade meal, but quick steaks and bottled BBQ sauce would have to do. "But I think I have some potatoes I can fry up." 

"Good enough." 

They both got up and began to get dressed. Jason started to peel Ian's shirt of his injured back, and Ian quickly stopped him. "Keep it on, for now." 

Jason nodded and just pulled on his underwear and camo pants. Ian got dressed himself. He walked barefoot into the kitchen and got the steaks out of the freezer. They didn't look too bad. There was a bag of red potatoes in the pantry that looked alright, too. 

Ian put a skillet pan on the stove and covered the bottom of it with oil. He began to scrub the potatoes. Jason came into the kitchen and looked at him curiously. 

"Does being a good cook hurt my 'badass' ratings?" Ian asked. He meant to say it lightly but it came out a little waspish. There had been those, in his past, that had told him that his interest in cooking made him less than a man. He could still hear his uncle saying, 'Kitchen is woman's work. What are you, a pansy?' 

" _Are_ you a good cook?" Jason asked, but it was said with just the right amount of teasing and certainty of the answer. 

Ian's shoulders relaxed. "Damn right I am." 

Jason chuckled and reached for a potato to scrub. 

  



	4. Panis angelicus (Bread of angels)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ian lets his curiosity get the better of him.

**Title:** The Twists of Desire, Part 4 of 5  
 **Characters:** Ian/OC (Jason / [pictures](http://irena-adler.livejournal.com/225102.html))  
 **Rating:** FRAO, NC-17  
 **Summary:** [The Twists of Desire](http://irena-adler.livejournal.com/149706.html#twistsofdesire) \- Ian discovers the depths of Jason's issues.  
Part 4 - _Panis angelicus_ (Bread of angels)  
Ian lets his curiosity get the better of him.  
 **Word Count:** 1584  
 **Disclaimer:** Not my characters (except when they are), not my world, making no money.  
 **Placement:**   
Lt. Col. Jason C. Hill is introduced in the story, [How Edgerton Became Number Four](http://irena-adler.livejournal.com/98878.html). Jason was the sniper who had been ranked right above Ian, but Ian rattled him enough with sexual innuendo at his testing enough that he dropped a ranking. Ian later made up for it in bed.  Jason is very much in the closet and deeply conflicted about acting on his long suppressed homosexual desires.  
This story comes a month after they met and a week after the story, [The Hunter Becomes the Hunted](http://irena-adler.livejournal.com/224658.html), where Ian went alone into the wilderness after a dangerous killer and almost died. Ian had not planned on seeing Jason a second time, but this near-death experience changed his mind.  
 **Beta: fredbasset** , who asked for more Ian/Jason (Ask and ye shall receive!)

  


**Part 4 - _Panis angelicus_ (Bread of angels)**

Cooking then eating dinner was a pleasant interlude of smart conversation and easy silences. Like their time at the hotel together, it was surprising in how comfortable it was. Ian wasn't used to being relaxed around other human beings. He found himself wishing for all sorts of impossible things - hiking with Jason along the Appalachian Trail, sharing a meal of green chile cheeseburgers at his favorite New Mexican restaurant in Santa Fe, waking up in a tent in the Denali State Park in Alaska. He'd never wanted to share those things with someone before. 

Had he really just met him? 

Jason shifted and Ian's eyes were snagged by the shirt that he still wore. What could possibly have happened to him to make him need a perverse confessional whipping to see Ian? 

"I've got to know…" Ian said. 

Jason looked up from his last bite of steak, sudden tension in his face. 

Then Ian realized that he needed to formulate a question, something more specific than 'Why are you so fucked up?' Ian also knew, just in the short period that he'd known Jason, that he couldn't ask anything too direct. Or anything that would specifically confront Jason's deep homosexual fears. 

Jason put the last bite of steak in his mouth and chewed, but his eyes were sharp. 

Ian tried a reassuring smile. "You said once that you'd been given blowjobs by men at glory holes. It's hard to… reconcile that with how uncomfortable you are with…" He trailed off. 

Jason flushed and finished chewing his steak before answering. "It was just once. I let a buddy talk me into it. He said that a mouth is a mouth and…" His flush deepened. "That it's really the men on the other side of the wall that are the queers." 

Ian managed to limit his emotional reaction to a raising of the eyebrows. He asked, his voice maybe a bit too even, "And did you enjoy it?" 

"All together too much," Jason said quietly. "That told me that my buddy was just lyin' to himself and me, and it was just as much a sin to be on both sides of the wall." 

"So you never went back." 

Jason nodded. "My buddy kept telling me how great this particular place was and how good the 'mouths' were and he was a goldamn ass about it. Talked about how rough he was on the 'fags'. I finally told him that he was just as much of a fag as they were and he knew it, and, well, we ain't buddies no more." 

Ian swallowed the first few things he wanted to say, swallowing his anger at the same time. Finally, he managed, "Okay, well, I was just curious." 

They finished up their dinner then cleaned up in a tense silence. 

"Want to watch some TV?" Ian asked once the dishes were put away. 

Jason nodded. They went into Ian's small front room and sat on the couch. Ian wondered what sort of television Jason liked to watch. Nature shows? History? Religious videos? Ian picked up the remote. 

"Curious," Jason said. 

Ian lowered the remote and looked at him. "What?" 

"You said you was curious," Jason said. "You know what they say about the cat." 

Ian eyed him. "You're saying I should keep my mouth shut." 

Jason quickly shook his head. "I'm sayin' that was always me. Thinkin' and wonderin' about how it would be. Even when I was with a woman, I'd be thinkin' about how it would be different with a man." He lowered his voice. "I'd do her on all fours so I'd just see her back and could pretend it was a man." 

"It's different, though," Ian said carefully. He'd talked Jason into fucking him last time. It hadn't just been the desire to get impaled by Jason's thick cock, it had been an attempt to reestablish balance between the two of them. After they'd been together for over a day, with just Ian doing the fucking, Jason had made it clear that he believed he'd been 'taken' and 'owned' by Ian. That Ian had taken his sniper ranking, then taken Jason's virginity as a prize. Ian had been horrified by the implication that Jason had been less than willing. Jason had been able to convince him that he had been willing - and Ian hoped he'd been able to convince Jason that he didn't consider their time together a sort of sexual victory lap. 

"Yeah, it's different," Jason agreed. 

When Jason had fucked him, it hasn't started out well, since Jason had been too anxious to let Ian prep himself thoroughly when it had been years since Ian's last time. But it had ended beautifully, with intense pleasure and their balance restored. It seemed to Ian, however, that Jason had felt guiltier about it than the other way around, though Ian wasn't sure what sort of mental gymnastics that would require. 

Ian waited for Jason to say something else. Would Jason be willing to fuck him again? Ian's asshole began to throb in anticipation. 

Jason mumbled, "But you can be pretendin', if you want to, that it's not." 

"What?" 

"When you fuck me, there's no pretendin' that I'm with a woman. It's everything I've ever wondered about. It feels so good." 

"So it was a 'good fucking' after all," Ian teased. 

"Lord, yeah." Jason grabbed the front of Ian's shirt and pulled him close. "Everything we do feels so damn good." He kissed him hard and Ian responded eagerly. Jason pulled up Ian's shirt and ran his hands over Ian's back. Ian rubbed what he could reach of Jason's bare chest. Jason kissed him more fervently, breaking off to kiss Ian's face and neck, then back to his mouth. His hands grew more urgent as well, making their way down Ian's body and between Ian's legs. 

"Sweet Jesus," Jason said, his mouth near Ian's ear. "I am so going to Hell." 

Ian made a noise of protest but that was all he could manage as Jason bit his neck and kneaded his cock through his pants. Jason fumbled Ian's zipper down and wiggled his hand inside. 

Abruptly, Jason slid of the couch and climbed in between Ian's knees. He yanked Ian's pants open and pulled down his underwear. He grabbed Ian's cock and sucked it into his mouth. 

Ian gave a grunt of surprise as Jason began sucking on his cock, his head bobbing rapidly. Ian's cock went hard in an instant. Jason sucked so strongly that it almost hurt. His lips and hands were working him as well. 

Ian finally had to pull Jason's head off his cock. 

"Jase, Jase," Ian said, gasping. "It's not… Hold on, whoa." 

Jason looked up at him, and the same wild urgency he'd shown at each new experience shown in his eyes. He looked flushed and desperate and even angry. Ian could tell that Jason wanted this badly, and was condemning himself for the wanting. 

"Hey, hey," Ian said, stroking Jason's cheek. "It's not going to escape if you don't eat it all at once." 

Jason smiled slightly and a little bit of the wildness left his eyes. 

"Go a little slower," Ian said. "I'm an old man. Go easy on me." 

Jason rolled his eyes, like he always did when Ian talked about how old he was. Jason didn't seem to care about their age difference but the jibe seemed to settle Jason some. He leaned forward again but took Ian into his mouth more gently. 

Ian sighed in pleasure as Jason's mouth began to work him over. For someone who'd never had a cock in his mouth before, Jason knew just what to do. Either he had gotten a ton of good blows in his life, or he'd spent a lot of time thinking about it. Ian preferred the second explanation. 

Ian ran his fingers over Jason's army-short hair as Jason bobbed up and down. Shivers of pleasure ran through him, tangling together with surprise and even concern that Jason was driving himself too far, too fast. Would this trigger the need for another round of whipping? 

Ian's body sent out a warning and he pushed Jason's head up. Jason's mouth came off his cock with a loud pop. Jason looked up at him and his eyes were still wild, almost panicked, and Ian knew that if he let Jason's head go, Jason would be back on his cock in an instant. 

"Slow down," Ian said. "I'm not even wearing a condom." 

The look that crossed Jason's face spoke volumes - that he did want Ian to come in his mouth, wanted Ian to fuck his face until he shot down his throat, and was disgusted by himself for wanting it. 

Ian stroked Jason's cheek. "Why don't we go into the bedroom?" 

Wiping his mouth, Jason nodded. They stood up and went into the bedroom, and the tension was once again rolling off Jason in waves. Ian was following behind Jason and could see spots where Jason's back had bled through the shirt. Ian vowed that there was nothing that Jason could say or do that would make him whip him a second time today. 

However, Ian knew that Jason's self-anger and desperation was once again threatening to overwhelm him. And like a panicked animal, Jason was just as likely to turn and sink his teeth into Ian instead. 

Ian was just going to have to distract him. 

  



	5. Part 5- Te lucis ante terminum (To Thee before the close of day)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ian distracts Jason then has a shocking realization of his own.

**Title:** The Twists of Desire, Part 5 of 5  
 **Characters:** Ian/OC (Jason / [pictures](http://irena-adler.livejournal.com/225102.html))  
 **Rating:** FRAO, NC-17  
 **Summary:** [The Twists of Desire](http://irena-adler.livejournal.com/149706.html#twistsofdesire) \- Ian discovers the depths of Jason's issues.  
Part 5- _Te lucis ante terminum_ (To Thee before the close of day)  
Ian distracts Jason then has a shocking realization of his own.  
 **Word Count:** 1583  
 **Disclaimer:** Not my characters (except when they are), not my world, making no money.  
 **Placement:**   
Lt. Col. Jason C. Hill is introduced in the story, [How Edgerton Became Number Four](http://irena-adler.livejournal.com/98878.html). Jason was the sniper who had been ranked right above Ian, but Ian rattled him enough with sexual innuendo at his testing enough that he dropped a ranking. Ian later made up for it in bed.  Jason is very much in the closet and deeply conflicted about acting on his long suppressed homosexual desires.  
This story comes a month after they met and a week after the story, [The Hunter Becomes the Hunted](http://irena-adler.livejournal.com/224658.html), where Ian went alone into the wilderness after a dangerous killer and almost died. Ian had not planned on seeing Jason a second time, but this near-death experience changed his mind.  
 **Beta: fredbasset** , who asked for more Ian/Jason (Ask and ye shall receive!)

  


**Part 5- _Te lucis ante terminum_ (To Thee before the close of day)**

In the bedroom, Ian got fully undressed while Jason took off his pants but left on his open shirt and his dog tags. Jason stepped closer and they kissed deeply, their naked bodies rubbing together. Ian's hands squeezed Jason's ass and his arms, but stayed away from his back. Jason's hands roamed all over Ian until they settled down on Ian's cock. 

Pulling away, Ian lay down on the bed, his head near the foot of the bed. He reached out for Jason. As Jason came close, Ian encouraged him to sit on the bed, then turn his hips so that Ian could put his head in his lap. Jason's cock was already hard and Ian licked it eagerly. He licked and nuzzled for a long while, letting his own body pull back from the brink. 

Ian lifted his head and said, "Lie down, opposite of me." 

Jason quickly turned and laid down on his side, facing Ian's crotch, while Ian adjusted his position on the bed. He was careful to lay on the side with his good shoulder. Jason took hold of his cock as soon as it came close and he began sucking it with the same rough urgency as before. Ian pushed Jason's hips to the best position then took Jason's cock back into his mouth. He sucked and mouthed Jason's cock while running one hand over Jason's hip and ass. 

As Ian hoped, Jason soon began to ease off. The distraction of what Ian was doing was enough to deflect a small part of Jason's combined desire and anger. After a moment, they settled into a comfortable rhythm. Ian stretched his mouth around Jason's thick cock and Jason did his best to take in as much of Ian as possible. Ian started to play with Jason's balls, but Jason seemed to pull away from that. Ian noticed that Jason stayed away from Ian's balls as much as possible. Shrugging mentally, Ian focused on what Jason did enjoy. Jason relaxed his tight grip on Ian's cock and worked him beautifully. Ian's only regret was that he couldn't really watch Jason suck him, couldn't wrap Jason's dog tags around his wrists and hold on while Jason gave him a blowjob that was so much better than any virgin should be able to do. 

Ian could tell Jason was getting close, so he backed off and moved his hips to encourage Jason to do the same. Jason reluctantly released him. With touch and murmured words, Ian taught Jason how to use short pauses and diverting touches to rev a man up even more. His legs were shaking with readiness and his mouth and jaw were aching by the time he let them both stop backing off. Since they weren't wearing condoms, Ian made sure that Jason's mouth was away from the head of Ian's cock, then he sucked on the front of Jason's cock. 

Jason moaned and pushed against him, and Ian could feel the moans through his sensitized skin. Jason moaned again and sucked harder on the front of Ian's cock. Muffled swearing and Jason's cock throbbed as he writhed against Ian, then Ian felt the hot splash of cum on his chin and neck. Ian's hand clenched tight on Jason's hip then he was shooting cum as well. They rocked together, keeping tight contact as they emptied themselves against each other's bodies. Jason continued to rock, sucking on Ian's cock past the point where it was growing soft and sensitive. 

Ian rolled back and they were both gasping for air. 

Ian braced his head on his good hand and looked down to see how Jason was reacting. Jason was running his fingers through Ian's cum, which Ian had managed to shoot all the way down Jason's fine chest. His fingers were trembling. Jason hadn't really touched Ian's cum before, since there had always been condoms between them. 

Grunting with the effort, Ian got up from the bed and went to get a towel. He came back and dropped it Jason's chest. Jason automatically wiped himself up then tossed the towel back. While cleaning himself up, Ian checked out Jason's face and decided that Jason wasn't about to freak out. 

"You're staying tonight, right?" Ian asked. 

Jason blinked at him, coming back down from his orgasm. He looked half dazed, but it was mostly with pleasure. Ian was honored that he'd gotten the Army sniper out of his usual, instinctive readiness. 

"You're staying?" Ian repeated. 

"Yes, sir," Jason said at last. "If you'll have me." 

"Yes, sir," Ian smiled. "Nothing makes me feel safer than a sniper in my bed." 

Jason chucked, his eyes coming fully back into focus. "You sleep with lots of snipers?" 

"Only myself," Ian said. "Extremely selective, remember?" 

Jason nodded at Ian's reference to a conversation that they'd had when they'd first gotten together. Ian had tried to impress on Jason that he didn't often take lovers, and hadn't been with a man for quite a while before he was with Jason. Ian wasn't certain that Jason believed him, but he wasn't going to press it. And he definitely wasn't about to explain how he never saw the same lover twice - before Jason. He wasn't sure what he thought about that fact himself. 

Jason rolled off the bed. "You was sayin' something about TV?" 

"Right," Ian said with a smile. "Before you got all 'curious' on me." 

Ian was relieved when Jason smiled back. They both got dressed again and went out to the living room. Ian handed Jason the remote, and, with some glances at Ian for confirmation, Jason put on an episode of BBC's Planet Earth. Ian had seen it many times, but he settled in to watch it again with Jason, though Ian's TV wasn't really good enough to do it justice. He didn't spend enough time at his apartment to justify getting a good TV. 

Jason didn't seem to care. Ian didn't doubt that Jason had watched much worse quality broadcasts in shitty hellholes all over the world. He was probably just happy it was in color. 

Shitty hellholes… Ian let the show go by and mulled over his gut-deep reaction to the thought of Jason being in danger. From what he knew about Jason's reputation and skills, Ian knew on an intellectual level that Jason had a brutally dangerous life. In the past, Ian hadn't cared about the job of his lover, because that lover had always been about right then, only then, and never again. But somehow he'd ended up caring this time. 

And he knew that Jason wouldn't want to do anything different. That he thrived on adrenaline and the hunt as much as Ian did. 

Ian thought back to some of the things that Jason had said that evening, how Jason had chewed him out for going after Hughes alone and for getting shot, and his demand that Ian remember he wasn't a superhero or bullet-proof. Jason hadn't asked that Ian be more safe, just less stupid. 

Jason would never demand that Ian stop being a hunter. 

Jason would never call his soul ugly. 

Ian stared at Jason for a moment, feeling a shocking, unfamiliar kinship with another human being. 

Not a lack of animosity. 

Not an intellectual understanding. 

Kinship. 

He honestly wasn't sure if that had ever happened before. 

Fortunately, the feeling soon faded, leaving Ian simply shaking and in need of a beer. 

"Want a beer?" he asked, his voice sounding a little wobbly. 

Jason nodded and Ian pushed himself off the couch. By the time he got two beers open and returned to the living room, he'd regained his composure. He handed Jason a beer, took a few soothing sips of his own, and settled in to enjoy Jason's unique company. 

 

Ian's alarm went off too early the next morning. They had slept, comfortably wrapped around each other. Ian hustled the sleepy Jason into the shower, where he steamed off the shirt from Jason's back. The belt-whip marks were already starting to heal. Ian's experience at being able to inflict pain without leaving traces was finally having a positive use. Jason's back was still ugly, though. Ian turned Jason to face him in the shower and they kissed and jerked each other off, bringing them both fully awake in the best of ways. 

After the shower, Ian covered Jason's back with salve, then gave Jason an old white undershirt. Jason settled the undershirt over his back, hopefully keeping any of his newly bleeding wounds from showing through his T-shirt. They got dressed the rest of the way. 

Neither of them talked about the wounds. 

Ian and Jason kissed again inside the front door. 

"I want to see you again," Ian said. 

Jason's eyes grew wide and said huskily, "Me, too." Then he visibly swallowed and said, "Can't say when, of course." 

"Of course," Ian said. "Just wanted to make sure you knew." 

Jason gave him a crooked smile. "I'd guessed it." 

Though Jason's flight was leaving soon, they both lingered in the doorway. Neither seemed to want to step out into the morning light, to start a ride to the airport that Ian instinctively knew would be silent. Any goodbyes would have to be said now. 

Finally, Ian said, "Aim true, Lt. Col. Hill." 

"Stay alive, Agent Edgerton." 

One more kiss, then they opened the door and went back out into the world. 

  



End file.
